Monday, September 29, 2008
Tonight I have found that I am experiencing a bout of leaking large amounts of pre-come. While I do enjoy this experience, I often have problems when I stroke my penis while leaking pre-come. I find that I want to continue to stroke my penis and only use my pre-come as lubrication. That usually does not work very well when I am edging. The grip that I use while stroking my penis is so tight that in a short time, the pre-come has gone and I must wait for the next leak to occur before finding the pleasure that I so much desire (and need). I have tried stroking without lubrication before and I sometimes pay a penalty of having a raw penis that will hurt to stroke on the following day. When I use store bought lubrication I miss the sensation that I get when I leak the pre-come. The store bought lubrication will mask or blend in with the sticky stuff coming out of the end of my penis. I say need, because unlike many masturbators, both male and female, masturbation is my only outlet for sexual pleasure. I do not have a partner, a significant other or any type of one on one or one on several relationship.I don't have that someone in the bed with me to turn me on. I don't that someone who I can call and have them get with me to share my wants and needs. My shyness has prevented my from establishing a connection with anyone in a sexual nature where I would meet face to face. The simple fact of the matter is that this blog is by far the most bold thing I have done in over 20 years to help me receive my sexual pleasure. It turns me on to dream of sharing a bed with a female. Females have such pretty bodies. They have soft skin that shows off their curves. You can run your hands through their hair. They have breasts that you can squeeze and all of the touchable skin that creates so much pleasure for males and of course, some females. Anyway, I am going to enjoy doing a little research tonight on darkgracie who has what I find to be a lot of entries that are capable of turning me on. I find it so wonderful that so many people are willing to share things that will turn me on.
Friday, September 26, 2008
I tried to go to sleep tonight without visiting the Internet for a dose of mind altering smut but my unconscious mind kept thinking of what I was missing. You see, I was thinking of how wonderful the female form is and what it does to the male mind. Since I have not seen a naked female in over 10 years sometimes I like to think about what it is that I am missing. Often times when my mind starts thinking like that my penis will start to get hard. Tonight was no exception. I started stroking my penis while laying in bed in the dark. All the while the female form is on my mind. My mind may have been overstimulated from the events that I enjoyed earlier this evening. Please understand that my mind will race to crazy conclusions about what it would be like if I were to experience a connection with a female. I stopped by the little grocery shop this evening to pick up a couple of things. I asked the clerk behind the counter where a couple of items were. She pointed to the direction of where I could find what I was looking for and when she saw that I did not see what I was looking for, she came over to point the item out but by then I had found the item I was looking for. At that point I noticed that this young girl (mid twenties I would guess) was dressed in tight, clingy slacks. I had noticed when I first asked for directions that the cotton/polyester tee shirt that she was wearing was tight. The combination of the two, well lets just say that it caught my attention. When she was unable to answer where the second item I was looking for was, she said that the other clerk in deli might know. I followed here down the isle and just starred at here butt the whole time. I wonder if she new that. I wonder if her intent was when she dressed for work that day was to entice men to look at her body. When I got home I watched the first show of the new season of Survivor and as always, I lusted after the young scantily clothed females. It is always fun for me to watch. I often think what it would be like to see the show produced with standards that would allow nudity to be seen. I think in the USA we are far to prude. Anyway, my original plans have now been changed. Instead of getting a good nights sleep, I am going to get a good edging session in and I think I will begin rethinking about the tight clothes the store clerk was wearing. Ain't it great being a guy.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
For a guy who has a small penis and is also obese, I like to fall back on the thought that my penis really is not as small as I think because most of it is hidden by my layers of fat. Sure, it would look bigger if it was not buried in layers of fat but it is what it is. I have to deal with it and one way I do is pleasing myself through masturbation. I am not one to get off by playing with my scrotum. From what I have discovered over the years off looking at porn is that some guys enjoy it. I kind of wish I was like that because my ball sac has a large amount of skin with it. I can pull and stretch my ball sac to significant lengths. I am sure this is because of my being obese. My balls don't hang any lower but the ball sac sure can be messed with. Before I reach a state of erection, it is very easy for me to pull my ball sac up and completely encircle my penis and the surrounding tissue. Tonight I think I will try and spend a little time with my ball sac to see if it opens up a new source of excitement for me before having my ejaculation. It should be fun even if turns out to be a dead end. Visions of women's bodies await my imagination, so
I am off.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
I have been surfing the web tonight for about 3 hours now and I am experiencing something that does not happen to me very much. While I am stroking my penis for the pleasure that it brings me, my erection begins to fade away very fast when I take a little break. I will begin stroking again and it will take a little bit longer to get my penis hard again. One of the reasons I think caused me to become addicted to masturbation is because I have suffered from premature ejaculation. I can control my ejaculation now while I masturbate but that was not the case many years ago. I was always in a rush to climax so I found that I could not last very long. I think that this contributed to my shyness and my almost complete lack of experience with the opposite sex. I was to embarrassed to ever venture down the path (as if that would ever happen) of getting close to someone for fear that I would pop in about 90 seconds. I remember while I was in my 20's I would pay for sex from the street walkers and I just could not last very long. That was the last time that I ever had sex with anyone else that led to an ejaculation. Ever since, it has been just my hand, my imagination and my penis. Over the years I have been able to use self control to extend my masturbation sessions. One thing that I have always prided myself over was the fact that I can get hard and I mean rock hard. My penis may be small but when I get an erection, it is stiff and it is hard. When I edge (which is almost all that I do now) I get hard and slowly get soft while surfing, but as soon as I start stroking my penis again, I am hard. Tonight has been a little different. It' nights like this that I dream I could hook up with a female for relations and at first she would be turned off because I am obese. Then if things were to progress and she got past that, she would be turned off by my small pencil sized penis. But I would than be able to win her over by my ability to get rock hard instantly and not go limp. Damn, I sure would love to experience that. Of course, this is just a dream. In reality, I would get rock hard real fast and would loose control real fast and ejaculate real fast. That's why I am addicted to masturbation. In my mind, I always have a great time.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
I have been away for about 2 weeks doing some family business. I sure did miss the times I could have tending to my addiction. While I was away on some mornings when I woke up and rolled over I new right away that I had morning wood. Guys have it so good. We wake up from a sound sleep and we are already primed and ready. I don't think girls can do that. They have to be wound up first (and in the mood, no less). With us guys, it is just part of the package. Bang, and we are ready. Anyway, I naturally started to stoke my morning wood. It felt so good. I wanted to just continue until I was satisfied. Sadly, I had things that needed to be done and had to stop. In a way it was ok because on the day that I was able to sit in front of my computer and edge for hours on end (after over a week without letting go), I experienced one heck of a ejaculation. It was forceful and the cum was thick and in abundance. I think the amount was about 1/3 more than I give out when I come every couple of days. When I looked at all of the cum that was on my 'catch' towel and over my fingers it made me think of some of the scenes that I have watched on the internet where guys unload over some pretty girls face. I think you know the ones. The ones where a guy has deposited a large quantity of cum that is thick and gooey over the girls face and hair. The kind of cum that just clings and does not run down her face. The kind that looks thick and kind of lumpy. Yes, that is the ejaculation that I experienced after missing out for about a week. I think that I need to go about the task at hand and start my edging session. I believe that tonight I will surf the internet and find some fantastic girls with incredible bodies (I like them all, big or small) and pretty faces. I have never believed in the term that some people call females - the weaker sex. When girls make an effort (and they all do), my little brain just takes over from my big brain. Gosh, I love to objectify women.
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Today was a long day for me. I had several different things that needed to be done. I figured that after I settled down this evening, made dinner and plopped in front of the TV, I would be a goner for the night. I did fall asleep watching TV (like always) and was planning on going to bed after waking up during the late news. My plan went away when I stopped in the office and turned on the computer to check something out. It did not take very long before my penis began to require some attention. I was not even looking for anything to set me off but when I sit in front of the computer my hand just starts to reach for my groin area. I figured I would mention that I plan to get into the swing of this and start looking at the wonderful viewings of great looking females that are available for me to see. A tug on my penis here and a tug there and sooner or later I will find the pleasure that I am seeking (I can hardly wait). It is great to be a guy who enjoys looking at the female form and then being able to masturbate while doing it.
Friday, September 5, 2008
I rather enjoyed myself tonight. I edged for over 6 hours tonight looking at a bunch of different sites that I found a reason to check out. By my count, I almost lost it 4 times during this session. One time was so dangerously close to falling over the edge that I could sense my ejaculation almost reaching the end of my penis. In the end I was just getting tired of performing for my pleasure and wanted relief. In retrospect, I think this moment of pure pleasure was not up to my usual standards because of the length of the session. With so many wonderful women to view on the Internet, it's no wonder I took so long to get off. It's great to be a guy even if I am a little short in the genital department. Girls will never understand what they are missing.
Thursday, September 4, 2008
The reason I have started to make a record of my minds wanderings is to share my experiences when the best friend that I have in the world is my inner mind that I talk to all of the time. I have always been a loner. As far back as I can remember I have been painfully shy as well. I guess one thing leads to another and as such, my inner self has taken on the role of being my best friend. When I do good, it praises me. When I screw up (more often than I wish), it takes me to task. I am sure that if I was to seek out help for what I am living with, I could fit in better. It is just much easier to live with the way I am. Since I retired about 3 and 1/2 years ago I bought my first computer and discovered the Internet. I am of the age that grew up before computers were a staple of everyday life and I only had limited exposure to them. I used them while at work, but they were not connected to the Internet so I did not have a clue what was available. Having access to the Internet while in the comfort of my on home has fueled my craving to indulge in masturbation. This has been absolutely fantastic for someone like me. I have masturbated an incredible number of times since I retired. When I was younger I would sometimes try to see how many times I could ejaculate in one day. This only happened about once every 2 months. The rest of the time I would masturbate about 15 times a month. Since I have had my computer I must masturbate 5 or 6 times a week while surfing the Internet and getting turned on. I don't try any longer to have multiple ejaculations very much any more because I discovered edging. Boy, do I enjoy edging. I often edge for 6 or 7 hours. If it was not for the lubrication that I use while masturbating, my penis would be filed down to a sharp point a long time ago. I believe I have rambled on enough with this entry to give some background to the subject I intend to focus on. I believe I need to get going because I so very much want to ejaculate for my best friend (my inner self) and maybe share the experience with you tomorrow.