Saturday, November 29, 2008

Rod Stewart

I sleep with the radio on (HD radio signal) and I woke up tonight and Rod Stewart was singing a song. I have listened to Rod Stewart for a long time and enjoy listening to him. I have not followed his career as a fan, but I do know that he does have a reputation as one who has an eye on the ladies. The gossip mills are always showing him with beauties by his side. He seems to do very well at making women want to go to bed with him. Gosh, I wish I had a talent like that.

So, here I am laying in bed thinking about Rod Stewart and all of his conquests and then I start to think about how I compare. What a joke. I have never experienced a close relationship with a female and I am 57 years old. Then I start to think about why I am unable to make a connection. I have only attempted to have sexual intercourse two times in my life and both times I was met with failure. I have never had a problem getting it 'up', my problem has always been getting it 'in'. Now, don't misunderstand. It's not that my penis is too small (I believe that I am just about average, maybe a little smaller). You see, my problem is that I am obese. 

My belly is so huge that I always found myself pulling my belt tighter and tighter because my pants did not want to stay up. Back in high school, you could not see my belt buckle because my belly rolled over the top of the belt and covered the belt buckle. The pants did stay up but my belly looked like it was a bay window extending out past the foundation of a home. This was my standard procedure to keep my pants up until I was about 45 years old. Then I started getting even fatter still. Now when I dress my belt is about level with my belly button and my massive belly is tucked in below my belt. This solves the problem of my pants wanting to fall down as well as covering the bay window effect. The massive belly is still there, it is now just under wraps. 
Anyway, getting back to my two failures at sexual intercourse. Each time I attempted sexual intercourse (I paid for it one time and one time, guess what, I got lucky), my belly prevented me from inserting my penis into the female that I was with. I still laugh to myself when I think about the first time that I attempted to have sexual intercourse.  I paid a street walker for sex and could not get it in. We got a motel room and I paid her for sexual intercourse. The girl was more than willing to try and make it happen. She was a in her early 20's and I was not much older. Thinking back I believe that she was new at being a prostitute. When I was unable to insert my penis in her on the bed, she stood up and used a chair and some pillows to get her body in a position that would minimize the blockage that my belly caused. She went at it like an engineer, she tried to align her genitals so that my erect penis could penetrate her. Sadly for me, it did not work. The second failed attempt happened when I was drunk and picked up a girl at a bar and she was also drunk. She was a little on the heavy side herself and the combination of her belly and my belly meant failure was guaranteed. I took her to a motel and got a room. When I could not get my penis in I ended up eating her out and she gave me a blow job. She passed out sitting up between my legs with her back leaning up against my belly and that is the way we slept until morning. Truly funny if you think about it. 

Now in retrospect, I believe that my two failed experiences at having sexual intercourse are a part of why to this day, I do not seek out women like a normal man should and have come to rely on masturbation to satisfy my sexual urges. Sad, yes? I must say that I enjoy the heck out of masturbation and cannot see myself as ever giving it up. I would like to dream that one day I would be able to lose a ton of weight and have sexual intercourse with a women and then I could use my imagination to develop thoughts about my experiences having sexual intercourse and apply those thoughts to a successful masturbation session. Oh boy, just thinking about thinking about having sexual intercourse is starting to make me want to play with myself. After I post this update, I believe I am in store for one good ejaculation after a couple of hours of playing with myself. Lucky me.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Before Computer Age

My masturbation life was totally different before I got my first computer a little over five years ago. I guess thinking back, my masturbating has gone through many different phases over the 45+ years that I have enjoyed my desire to sexually stimulate my mind and then my penis. I don't remember much about the early years except when I did masturbate, it was always in the bathroom while sitting on the toilet at home. I have always had a quick trigger and I think that I got into the habit of ejaculating very fast because my family of six only had one bathroom and I could not tie it up for a long time. I remember that in later years I started to branch out a little.  I would use Kleenex or toilet paper to masturbate into while on my bed in the bedroom that I shared with my brother. He was never in the room at the time and I don't recall ever getting caught. I never did think about using a sock that many years later I found out was a ready made ejaculation catch devise. I now chuckle when I think about all of the mothers who have young boys and if they ever make a connection with finding dirty socks that are dried stiff while emptying the clothes hamper on wash day. (I am so masturbation obsessed that even that thought makes my penis get stiff). Oh yes, I am sure that they know that the young boys living under there roof will be boys and play with their penis. Now that I think back on my upbringing, I am sure that my mother must have known that I masturbated. I would spend a lot of time in the bathroom and I never experienced 'wet dreams' that would soil my bed sheets. She must have noticed that, but she never mentioned it. That was just about the extent of my masturbation experience until I left home and moved out in my 20's. I don't recall ever masturbating outdoors or in the car while parked or driving about. I never experienced masturbating with anyone else or even talking about it. I can't remember masturbating at school but I do remember seeing my first naked pictures while in junior high school. The boys locker room was abuzz one day after gym when some pictures of naked women were passed around. Everybody, I mean everybody went crazy trying to see the pictures. I can't remember who brought them, but I do know that I got to keep one and of course I had to share it when someone else wanted to look at it. I think that I would take it home with me, masturbate while looking at it and bring it back to school the next day in case someone else wanted to look at it. I did not let them take it home, they could only look at it at school. I am sure that you will get a chuckle out of this (I know that I still do). The picture was of a women who was nude and posed sitting on her legs. There was no visible pubic hair (this was in the 60's by the way), of course no genitals and her nipples were airbrushed out of the picture. I did not know that her nipples had been air brushed out. I had never seen a naked women. The only women that I was masturbating to were in the big Montgomery Wards, J. C. Penney's or Sears Roebuck catalogs woman's underwear sections. Girls with nipples, amazing. Well, I think I have gone to far. Thinking of girls with nipples has set my mind to 'load'. My need to ejaculate is taking over my need to share my experiences. So I will be off to the wonderful world of edging while thanking the creator for giving me a penis that gives back so much pleasure. I feel sorry for the females in the world and what it is they they will never experience, that uncontrollable release that makes you melt like putty. I am also including a couple of photographs that I have found on other days while searching the Internet that I think you might enjoy, I know that I do.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Lisa Marie Eilbacher

Last evening I was channel surfing on the television checking out what my new roof top antenna would pick up. Before this, my television reception was limited to what I could receive with an indoor Terk brand antenna or rabbit ears. While the Terk antenna was OK, with the new HD signal I was now getting, I was experiencing some bit of signal degradation. Anyway while flipping through the channels I came across one of the secondary HD channels that broadcasts 'retro' television shows. The broadcaster has three signals, one the ABC channel, one the Retro channel and one has the weather. Sometimes I will watch the shows on the retro channel just to see what I missed when the shows were originally broadcast. I started watching an episode of a show called 'Simon and Simon' from the 1980's. I never watched this show when it was in prime time, but every once in a while I would tune it in when it made the rounds in early syndication. The episode that I watched last night had a female actress who I thought was HOT. I mean she wore some outfits that really made her stand out. She was so hot that this morning I decided to try and figure out who she was because the credits at the end of the show did not list the leading characters. First off I had to remember the name of the show. I forgot that the series was called 'Simon and Simon'. This is one of my many problems. I don't think real well and my memory is terrible. I knew one of the Simon's was married in real life to one of the ladies from the old show 'Designing Women'. Once I checked out that show on the Internet, I was able to get the name of the Simon that had married one of the stars of 'Designing Women'. Searching the Internet about that actor, I discovered the name of the series that I had watched last night (Simon and Simon). I found several web sites about the series and one had a recap of each episode. I knew this actress played a character named Stacey and I found out that the name of the episode was called 'Earth to Stacey'. It was then that I discovered that the actresses name was Lisa Marie Eilbacher. Surprisingly, she has been in several different things that I have seen over the years. The web sites say that she tried out for the role of Princess Leia in the Star Wars movies but lost out to Carrie Fisher. Oh boy, just thinking about Carrie Fisher and her costume in Star Wars is a turn-on. Remember how her breasts were......, oh well, thats is another story for another day. This is about Lisa Marie Eilbacher and the effect that she has had on me. She never did catch my eye before like she did last night. She was in 'An Officer and a Gentlemen' and I can't remember her. I have downloaded a few of the better photos of her that I found while searching the Internet for Lisa Marie Eilbacher. Sadly, none of the photos make her out to be as hot to my eyes as she was on the Simon and Simon show, but I am including them for you to look at anyway. She still does look pretty cool, don't you think? Anyway, this girl has one smoking body and she was sexy, sexy sexy on the Simon and Simon show I watched. Her hair and makeup were perfect. She has a killer shape to her body and it got my - loins a stirring - . I am planning to use her image as my starting off point for a rare daytime edging session. Who knows, I may just be able to find some cheesecake pictures of her while surfing the Internet. Maybe even some naked shots. It seems that just about any actress in Hollywood has nude pictures taken early in there careers that are discovered years later. One can only hope that my search will be fruitful.  

Monday, November 3, 2008

Losing internet service, bummer

I have been experiencing some technical difficulties with my telephone line lately and since I use it for my link to the Internet, I have been unable to find the material that I enjoy so much. I am one of the many addicted to Internet porn and it feeds my needs because I am a chronic masturbater. During the time that I have had to do without my visual inspiration, I have been getting more sleep (which really is not so bad because I do need more than I am now getting). When I do turn in, I always listen to the radio (classic rock) and because I am not masturbating, I often have trouble falling asleep. My mind wanders while trying to drift off to sleep, but soon it zeros in on getting my penis hard by thinking about sexy things.  While listening to the radio station I have discovered  a bunch of songs that are being played have a underling theme and that is about sex. Oh yes, I always knew that was the case with lots of songs, but I never really listened to the lyrics before in a way that would turn me on. It's incredible the number of songs from my youth that I listened to that I never really got into. A bunch of the songs are about oral sex and that makes my penis get hard. I often chuckle to myself when I think back to my youth living at home while in high school. My younger sisters were in junior high school and the oldest had a Lead Zeppelin album. The group was very big back then and my sister would play the album over and over. One of the songs on the album was the Lemon Song. I knew than what it was about, but I do not think my sisters or my parents did. I never had the nerve to ask my sister if she did know. I should now, but I still don't have the nerve. I think that I will check out the lyrics of songs better in the future. Who knows, it just might provide the juice to my brain to get the juices running in my penis and that can't be a bad thing to happen to me.